This year, I have finally acknowledged my worst habit.
It's something I have been aware of for a long time, but I never really was that interesting in doing something about it, because I was sure I had bigger fish to fry, or more weightier problems to solve.
Perhaps deep down I thought it was something I needed to keep in play.
Whatever my reason, this year, I decided there was no reason good enough to keep my worst habit in place. It hasn't been working for a long time, and no one else could change it for me, so it is time to just get on with it. And ultimately, every time I chose it, it just made me super unhappy.
So here was my new demand: Stop. Being. A. Bully.
So that's it - I am out of the closet. I am a bully. I am great at it. Possibly the best. I was bullied in school, and I have also been bullied in the workplace. But no bully in my life has ever been able to bully me better than I can bully myself!
You might know it under another name: self-criticism; doubt; fear; negative self-talk; defeatist mind-set; self-abuse; "I can't"; "I shouldn't"; "I mustn't"; "I will fail..." "I am ugly"; "I am fat"; "I am stupid"; “It’s impossible for me to…” and so on.
I could tell a story how I decided at some point that if I just judge me first and hardest, it would somehow stop or waylay the judgers/haters/people who told me that criticizing me would make me a better person.
Maybe I thought people would love or like me more if they saw I didn't have tickets on myself. Maybe I thought if I played pathetic, or a damsel in distress, they would see an opportunity to lift someone up, instead of bringing them down.
Maybe I had a million reasons – but none of them stand – because none of them actually changed anything! People still chose what they were going to choose regardless, and in the meantime, I was squashing and hiding me dynamically.
This year, I gave up making anyone or anything else the source of my happiness. It came down to me, in the moment, every moment. When I wanted to bully me, I had a choice – change it or keep bullying. And no matter how uncomfortable it was, I began to ask myself: “What is brilliant about me?” “What is great about me?” Even when I really wanted to go to that comfortable place of, “But I am so messed up! Yes fine, I am having a pretty good hair day, but I am sooooo messed up in this other area!”
Every sneaky little way of bullying me. No more!
And it’s not about being perfect. Being perfect is a non-reality. Brilliance, however, IS your reality. But you must be willing to say, “Bye-bye bully!” first!
Is it time to say goodbye forever to the bullies in your life – no matter where they come from?
On Saturday 17th March (7am Brisbane, Australia Time) I am doing a FREE interactive zoom web-call in support of Australia’s National Day of Action Against Bullying and Violence, called “Bye-Bye Bully. Hello Brilliance!”
You can find out more and register to join the zoom (and receive the replay) here.
With each blog, I aim to invite your creativity, brilliance and difference to come forward and shine.