Who is making you unhappy?

Have you noticed how much we are taught to believe that our happiness relies on what the people around us choose? The flip-side of this is that we are also taught to believe that other people's happiness is our responsibility. We are trained from day dot to be people-pleasers and to believe we are not the source for our own joy in life. Is it just me, or is that darn cra-ha-zay??

If you have ever tried hard to make your parents, siblings, children, partners, colleagues, bosses or clients happy, and stressed yourself out to do it - then you know what I mean. If you have ever judged or blamed yourself for never being able to satisfy those miserable people you care so much about, no matter how much you try, then you know what I am talking about. And if you have ever been mad, disappointed, upset, betrayed, let-down, pissed off or unhappy with someone who would not or could not be, do, or say what you wanted them to - you definitely know, whether you want to admit it or not.

There is nothing wrong with desiring others to be happy (or even for desiring other people to do what you want them to do for you - just don't be delusional and expect them to actually do it, or believe your happiness depends on it!).

The upset arises when you do not recognise that it is each person's own choice to be happy or not.. If you never acknowledge this, you will tend to keep "flogging a dead horse" (or a miserable/sad/angry one), trying to change it when it just does not want to change. It's not fun, It's not effective. And your happiness in the meantime steadily diminishes.

If unhappy people are making you unhappy, it's time to change tactics. What if you were the one in total control of your happiness? What if it was a choice in the moment? Ask yourself, "what do I want to be right now, this second? Happy or unhappy?" and just choose it (or not!).

​Getting free from needing others to make you happy or the habit of trying to make others happy is a key element in being able to effectively deal with bullies, too!

Read my article  published on Leaders in Heels about becoming bully-proof and really give those misery-guts the flick!